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Odds & Sods

Some scientists propose that instances of physical abnormalities are actually evolution at work. With the autumn crush of festivals and markets kicking off this month, RealScreen got to wondering: what would an alpha event goer look like? We turned to the animal kingdom for the best of the beasts.
September 1, 2003

Some scientists propose that instances of physical abnormalities are actually evolution at work. With the autumn crush of festivals and markets kicking off this month, RealScreen got to wondering: what would an alpha event goer look like? We turned to the animal kingdom for the best of the beasts.

Rabbit ears: Information is valuable. Despite the din of the market floor, producers could pick up the indiscreet ramblings of their colleagues.

Eagle eyes: So broadcasters could see that obnoxious producer from a mile away.

Giraffe’s neck: The party may be crowded, but with a neck three meters long, filmmakers could easily spot that elusive distributor with the deep pockets.

Hippo-tosis: Breakfast, lunch and dinner meetings. After hippos, only whales have bigger mouths – which is what you’ll turn into if you carry on like this.

Horse legs: A horse’s legs are built so it can sleep standing up. ‘Nuff said.

Float like a butterfly: At 3 A.M., when the taxi drivers have all gone off duty, wings could get you where you need to go.

Arms like a gorilla: Money’s tight – even the commissioning editors aren’t mailing home all those tapes and catalogs.

Elephant feet: Blisters be gone! The spongy cushions on the bottom of elephant feet would let producers trip the MIPs fantastic, comfortably.

Alligator skin: Because rejection is inevitable.

About The Author
Andrew Tracy joined Realscreen as associate editor in 2021, following 17 years as managing editor of the award-winning international film magazine Cinema Scope. From 2010 to 2020 he also held the position of senior editor at the Toronto International Film Festival, where he oversaw the flagship publication for the organization’s year-round Cinematheque programming and edited its first original monograph in a decade, Steve Gravestock’s A History of Icelandic Film. He was a scriptwriter and consultant on the first season of the Vice TV series The Vice Guide to Film, and his writing and reporting have been featured in such outlets as Cinema Scope, Reverse Shot, Sight & Sound, Cineaste, Film Comment, MUBI Notebook, POV, and Montage.

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