With 1998′s resolutions already broken, perhaps it’s time to fortify ourselves for what the rest of the year might hold. Paul Sowerbutts points his divining rod and lands in a glass of port
1. The United Nations, following an anonymous source out of London W6, unilaterally destroys the Palais building in Cannes under the acceptably mistaken belief that it’s a giant concrete bunker storing biological weapons.
2. Stricken by an unexpected case of amnesia, a senior British broadcasting channel controller breaches protocol and stays longer than two years in one job.
3. In a surprising New Year’s initiative, President Clinton converts the u.s. dollar to the ecu and pleads to join the e.u. Less surprisingly, Britain fails to change its ground on the single currency and sucks its thumb in worried indecision.
4. Reed Midem finally locates a country willing to host a television festival in August. The Bhutan Daytime Format Market fills the gap, allowing television buyer/distributors to be absent from the office throughout the calendar year.
5. Having studied the global boom in wildlife programming over the past ten years, five major animal species shock naturalists when they appoint Ben Silverman at William Morris’ London agency to represent their media interests.
6. British television executives finally come clean on two critical issues troubling the international industry:
A) All u.k. detective dramas are required by law to feature either Cambridge or Oxford locations.
B) Christmas parties really do start in October – so expect no return phone calls from that point.
7. Finally, I predict a dramatic return of that much-maligned institution, the enjoyable but productive business lunch. Its current rival – the bloated, lethargic and ‘emotionally tired’ business dinner – is knocked out of the ring early on and retires to consult the list of ports and brandies.